To my dearest little sister, Sally Brown, it’s Charlie here  A lot of things have happened since you skipped town  For one, I’m queer, for about a year  I know, of course, you might be less than psyched   About the path I took  But I had to face the fact that I kind of liked  How Linus looked, before he booked  ‘'cause Patty came out and left me shocked and confused  She shacked up with Marcy, who was clearly abused  And I picked up a needle that had just been used before    Now Lucy’s playing hockey, her team just won the Stanley Cup  Schroeder dresses just like Beethoven did and ties her up  And she barks like a pup  And the hunt is on for Linus,   But as you know, he’s hard to catch  You see, he found that lots of interesting things could grow in the Pumpkin Patch  But the feds are no match  ‘'cause he and the red-haired girl split the scene  The psilocybin sultan and the cannabis queen  And Franklin shot Tupac and now he ain’t nowhere to be seen    Break it down!  Woodstock got eaten by the cat who lives next door  Snoopy got neutered and now he ain’t Joe Cool no more  And he’s still kind of sore  And Pig Pen od’d, was just a matter of time  He couldn’t keep a job on account of the grime  And he couldn’t face a future of small-town crime no more  So write us all a letter and tell us how the city is  Freda said she saw you, so tell me how’s the porno biz,  My little sis, the porno biz, my little sis