A mason jar full of shine, a CD of Leann Rhimes   Is what I bought for our anniversary tonight   Now here I stand with my petunias in hand   And you've got a headache again      I hit a yard sale, cut my toenails   Trimmed my nose hairs just right   I thought you'd be impressed by my new hunting vest   But there's no chance tonight      It ain't the first time this year, it'll be the TV and beer   I about forgot what's its like to be here   As I sleep on the floor while she sniffles and snores   Did I shave my back for this?      Oh man, aww woo   This things duller than a dag burn butter knife      Now I'll bet she'll regret the fact that she didn't let   Me take her to that motel with a pool   You know its so hard to find free HBO and Showtime   And them vibrating beds sure are cool      I souped up the RV, fired up my flobee   Trimmed my toupee just right   I tried self tanning cream, it turned my skin green   Uh, you know the directions, uh, said that it might      Well its a mystery to me, why she don't like Cledus T.   Most find me hard to resist, I'm wearing my brand new drawers   And wondering what the heck for did I shave my back for this?   Deanna, did I shave my back for this? Ohh ohh ohh