On my 16th birthday my Dad came into my room   No, he didn't interfere with me if that's what you presumed   He said "Now you're a man, Kunt, with a full set of pubes   I've got some information that you will need to use   Sometimes a lady's private parts can be a pongy place   If she's been dancing at a disco and then sits on your face   So make sure you go in finger's first, do it just in case   And you have to have a sneaky sniff while having an embrace"      It's called the Two Finger Test   The Two Finger Test   Before you go and muff dive   Wait a mo' may I suggest?   She'll think a cuddle's nice   And if you take my advice   You can sneakily do the Two Finger Test      So everytime I sup from the furry cup   I take my Pop's advice and I pop two fingers up   And when those fingers fail the test I thank my old man   Especially when you get one that smells like a burger van      Oh, the Two Finger Test   The Two Finger Test   For checking if chuff's are whiffy   It's the system that works best   She need never know   If you lick her down below   That she has passed the Two Finger Test      It's called the Two Finger Test   The Two Finger Test   If my ex-girlfriend's hear this song   I'm sure they'll be impressed   Everytime I didn't go   And lick 'em down below   That they have failed the Two Finger Test