Come on Cliff, admit you're queer   Are you worried about Jesus or is it your career?   If you just come out the closet you can take it up the rear   Come on Cliff, admit you're queer      Was it Sue Barker who put you off a gash   Did she serve up a waffy wank or give your cock a forehand smash?   Or was it Hank Marvin who made you keep it underground   Did he threaten that The Shadows would follow you around?   Or maybe you were put off by Olivia Newton John   Were you performing cunnilingus when she suddenly blobbed on?   Or maybe you were just about to tongue her up the quim   When she suddenly got physical and farted on your chin   Or was it Una Stubbs' slot you were about to lick   When you found a bit of carrot and asked "Is this some kind of trick?"   But suddenly it dawned on you, 'was the last bloke sick?'   But it turned out it had just snapped off poor old Wurzel's dick   Or perhaps you never wanted to stick it in a lady's hole   'Cause you had a crying, talking, sleeping, walking blow-up doll   I don't think your fans would care if you turned out to be gay   They're all too old to get a fucking moist-on anyway      Come on Cliff, admit you're queer   Are you worried about Jesus or is it your career?   If you just come out the closet you can take it up the rear   Come on Cliff, admit you're queer      Come on Cliff, admit you're gay   Are you worried about Jesus or what the papers say?   If you just come out the closet you can suck on cocks all day   Come on Cliff, admit you're gay      Backbum, backbum, take it up the backbum   Backbum, backbum, take it up the backbum   Backbum, backbum, take it up your backbum   Come on Cliff, admit you're queer