Now if you want to be a proper bloke   Despite what you might think   It's not about how much you smoke   Or if you can hold your drink   It's not even how many times   You've potted the pink   The thing that makes you manly   Is your pubes      I don't care if you're muscly   Or can bench-press 200 pounds   It doesn't matter if your knob's so long   It drags along the ground   'Cause after extensive research   I can reveal I've found   The thing that makes you manly   Is your pubes      It's your pubes, it's your pubes   The hairs around your privates, that's your pubes   So, don't you shave them back   Let 'em sprout around your sack   Because the thing that makes you manly   Is your pubes      It doesn't matter if you're popular   Or skilful at football   Or got a hard job like a bouncer   It makes no difference at all   'Cause if your cock's like a plucked turkey   It all goes to the wall   Because the thing that makes you manly   Is your pubes      Now some people call me a hypocrite   Because I like a shaven quim   But I point out Samson and Delilah   And look what happened to him   She snuck into his bedroom   While he was having a snooze   And the poor sod, he lost all his strength   Because she shaved off all his pubes!      'Cause it's your pubes, it's your pubes   They're like your corey's hairdo, that's your pubes   So keep your pube's alive   They should look like the Jackson 5   Because a lot of the greatest Britons   Have had great pubes      Winston Churchill - he had a lot of pubes   Willy Shakespeare - he had a lot of pubes   Kevin Keegan - he had a lot of pubes   Brian Blessed - he had a lot of pubes   Geoff Capes - he had a lot of pubes   Fred West - he had a lot of pubes   The 1966 World Cup winning team   Yeah, man! They had a lot of pubes      'Cause it's your pubes   The hairs around your ding-dong-diddly, that's your pubes   So just go with the flow   Don't trim 'em, let 'em grow!   'Cause the thing that makes you manly, it's your pubes