I got him from the pet shop   They said he was a guard dog   The only thing that's fierce about him   Is his constant hard-on   He gets all excited when I'm giving him a biscuit   He gets a bit of dogs jizz on his little lipstick      And one time I smelt it and it smelt so rank   He just can't leave his cock alone   That's why we call him 'Wank'      CHORUS:   Wank the dog, wank the dog   Pull on a marigold and wank the dog   Wank the dog, wank the dog   Pull on a marigold and wank the dog      He may not be a pedigree   But he's always got a drop of white wee-wee for me   So I follow him around with a square of toilet paper   Damp him down when he's around   'Cause he will try and rape ya   I took him to the vets who said that he could chop his plods off   But I quite like relieving him so I told him to sod off      My dog's randy, he's very, very randy   The only way to calm him down   Is to give him a hand shandy