Watching TV the other day   I happened to turn on 'Home and Away'   I hadn't seen it for ages but what can I say?   I noticed some birds whose jugs were OK   Then 'Neighbours' came on and the sight of Nina   Made me feel all funny in my weiner   And by the time I saw Izzy and Steph   It was too late - I had lost my mess      Oh, why do I always raise my hopes   About shagging birds off the TV soaps?   Why do I get a bonk on   Whenever 'Neighbours' comes on?      'Corrie' came on the other night   Maria and Candice made me feel alright   I don't think Candice has much in way of a chin   But I wouldn't say no to a look at her quim   'Eastenders' came on and Zoe and Kelly   Made me want to get my fingers smelly   I was so aroused by the time I saw Dot   I pictured myself with my cock in her bot      Oh, why do I always raise my hopes   About shagging birds off the TV soaps?   Why do I get a lob on   When 'Eastenders' comes on?      Why do I always raise my hopes   About shagging birds off the TV soaps?   Why do I have to beat my meat   When I see the girls from 'Coronation Street'?